Talking to your partner about sex

talk about sex

Why should I talk to my partner about sex? There are lots of things you both need to talk about, such as:

  • Will you be having sex for the right reasons or because you are under pressure?
  • Sex is a big deal on top of all of the relationship stuff there's Sexually Transmitted Infection's and unplanned pregnancy to worry about!  So talk about contraception and condoms before you have sex.
  • Ask yourself - If you can't talk about safer sex with your partner should you be having sex with them?
  • If your partner doesn't want to have sex with a condom that helps protect you both from pregnancy and STI's they may not be the right person to have sex with.
  • It's important to discuss safer sex regardless of who you're having sex with, infections can pass between two women and two men as well as between men and women.

When to talk about sex

Don't wait until you are about to have sex,  you might take risks you wouldn't normally take because you are turned on.
Talking about contraception and condoms before you have sex means you are more likely to have safer sex and less likely to get pregnant or get a Sexually Transmitted Infection (STI).

Choose a time and place where you can talk openly without being disturbed by phones or other people.

Simple ways of bringing up the subject of sex and safer sex by saying:

  • "How do you feel about sex?"
  • "I'd like to have sex with you, do you feel ready?"
  • "We should talk about safer sex if we're going to have sex."
  • "Do you like a particular type of condom? We'll need to get some."

Talking about contraception

If you want to avoid pregnancy, finding out about the different methods of contraception together can be a good way to discuss sex.

There are many different types of contraception, including contraceptive implants, contraceptive injections, IUD, IUSpills and male and female condoms.

You could visit  the Integrated Sexual Health Service together, they will be happy to discuss contraception with you and can help you choose the method that's right for you.  

Talking about sexual history

Find out about your partner's sexual history. For example, find out whether they have any STIs that might put you at risk. You could say:

  • "Before we have sex, there's something I need to ask you: 'Have you ever had an STI check?  or 'Have you got any STIs that you know about?"

or you might need to tell your partner something. You could say:

  • "Before we have sex, there's something I need to tell you." or "Can we talk about something before we have sex?"

You only have to have sex without a condom once to catch an STI that could affect you for life.

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